L's Greatest Fear
by rockangel160
Summary: L eats some of Misa's cooking, and then has a nightmare of him confronting his greatest enemy! RATED T FOR SOME MATURE MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY


"Liiiiiggggghhhttttttt! I'm really bored!" Misa complained as she rolled around on the couch in her socks.

"Well I can't help you with that right now. I've got some very important business to attend to." Light responded as he worked at his desk. She crossed her arms and groaned stubbornly.

"You're a lousy boyfriend, you know that? You say I'm your girlfriend, but you never take me anywhere and even when you kiss me; all you talk about are my eyes! Isn't their anything else at all that you like about me? Like my hair, or my legs, or my br-"

"If you're looking for something to do, why don't you go cook or something? It's time-consuming and proven to be therapeutical." Light interrupted her in an aggravated tone.

"Thera-peu-ti-cal?"

"It makes you feel good." L butted into the conversation from his corner in the room as he messed with the chains on his wrist. He wasn't familiar with romantic relationships, so most of the time he just ignored their love talk. Actually it was more of Misa talking and Light just sitting there and soaking it in.

"I knew that! And if Light's gonna be so unromantic, and if Ryuzaki is gonna intrude on private conversations, maybe I will! Hmph!" She turned around, making her blonde pig tails flip, and marched rhythmically out the door. She went to her room, and got on her laptop. She opened up the search browser and looked for a good recipe. After she found a suitable one, she made a little visit to the supermarket for ingredients. Luckily for her, the guy at the supermarket recognized her from her Cosme-Misa commercial and gave her half off everything! Ahh…it felt good to be a celebrity.

When she came back to the Task Force building, she went to the floor where the kitchen was. Fortunately, the big, shiny, clean kitchen was unoccupied and ready for some sizzling cooking! The recipe she picked was not the typical Japanese cuisine, and unlike Ryuzaki's diet, it was an actual meal. She brought out her apron, a pink frilly one that said "Heats Your Meat" on the front. After setting up her materials, she got to work on her creation.

"Ms. Amane, is everything alright in here?" Watari strolled in curiously.

"Yes sir. I'm just cooking something." She turned around holding her spatula and seasoning in her small, manicured hands.

"Do you need any assistance?"

"No thank you, Mr. Watari. It's all good." She gave him a thumb up in reassurance.

"Alright then. If you insist, Ms. Amane." He said as he left her to her business.

That evening, Misa went up to Light and Ryuzaki's room with food.

"Dinner time!" She announced proudly as she set the meal on the table.

"That's a very nice thing for you to do, Misa, but what exactly is this that you made?" Light asked as he looked at his tray.

"They're burgers! I got the recipe off of an American website!" Misa explained.

"That would explain the large portions. Hmm…I'm not used to eating meat. Normally I drink a protein shake with whipped cream and a cherry on top." L said monotonously as he tried to pick up his burger with his two fingers, but ended up dropping everything but the buns.

"Just be considerate for once and eat it, Ryuzaki. It's rude to reject food that has been made for you." Light turned to L and crossing his arms. L just grabbed the sugar packets from his pocket and poured them all over his burger before taking a bite out of it.

"Well? Do Ryuzaki and Light like Misa's cooking?" She asked hopefully.

"It's taste good, Misa. Thanks." Light said in order to please her.

"Yay! Score for Misa!" She cheered as everyone ate their meal.

That night, as Light went to bed, he noticed L was already curled up on his own bed.

"Wow, Ryuzaki, I never thought I'd see the day where you went to bed before 4 a.m."

"To be completely honest, I got a stomachache after eating the hamburgers Misa prepared for us. It's not that it wasn't good, but as you can guess my body is not used to digesting meat and reacts negatively toward it. I took some gastralgia medication after my insulin shot, but the medication makes me drowsy. In addition, my jaw is worn out from chewing such a tough substance." L explained in detail as he clutched his pillow and moved his chains out of his sleeping area.

"Let's just hope Kira doesn't get you in your sleep!" Light said jokingly as he got under the sheets in his bed. Soon, the two geniuses fell asleep to recharge their constantly-working brains. L started kicking his sheets and tossing around. Apparently, he was dreaming. Deep down in the center of L's large brain, his vision changed as he kicked into R.E.M mode.

L suddenly felt like he was on a hard surface. He opened his large, bulgy eyes to see he was lying on…wood? He lifted his head to find he was sitting on a student's desk. In fact, judging by the familiar architecture and environment, he concluded he was at Wammy's House, the orphanage he grew up in since he was eight years old. Was he here on business? Or, was it possible he was here to inform his heirs, Mello and Near, that instead of picking one of them to succeed him that they should team up and both become L?

As he pondered for what reason he was here, Watari walked into the room with something in his hands.

"Ah, Watari, I'm glad you're here, I…" L began to speak but was interrupted by Watari placing a scantron and pencil on his desk.

"A test? I don't see any reason why I would have to take a test… or is this for some special reason?" L asked as he picked up his pencil.

"It's a test; one that you haven't exactly mastered yet." Watari answered casually.

"Hm…You're not seriously talking about the (PLOP)…" L was once again interrupted, this time by the loud noise of the test hitting his desk. He looked down to the see the words he'd always hoped he could just avoid:

GYNECOLOGY TEST

"Um, Watari, could you please give me a different test? I don't think I'll get any useful information in this subject." L asked. In reality, he really hated the subject because it was the one test in his life he'd failed, and that humiliated him.

"L, gynecology is especially important especially when we have cases on women who were sexually assaulted."

"But, Watari…I always skip those cases."

"I've been too soft on you. You MUST pass this test and that's final."

"But Watari!" L's whine was met with a door slamming. He actually rushed to the door, only to find it was locked. He tried every trick in the book to get it open, but it wouldn't even get even the slightest bit loose. Soon, he gave up trying to break out and turned around to stare at his test. _Gynecology…why did it have to be gynecology? If it were any other exam…_Normally, he could attain all the information he needed on a subject through experience and common sense, but…well, it's no surprise L had no experience with women. He had no recollection of his mother, he never talked to the orphan girls at Wammy's House; in fact, Misa might have been his first encounter with an actual woman in person, save for Naomi Misora. As far as common sense, well from the very little experience he had, he figured that common sense was not always a factor when it came to women, or their bodies.

He slowly crept up to his desk and turned the booklet to the first page. _There's a 43.24% chance that the first question is the easiest one. _He peeked at the first question which read:

What causes the vagina to self-lubricate?

L's eye twitched as he decided to skip that one. Maybe another question would give him a clue. That happened 12.68% of the time on exams. For example; on one test, the question asked when Hernan Cortes encountered the Aztecs, but about 4 question later the question said: After his encounter with the Aztecs in 1519, Hernan Cortes did which of the following? So, L flipped to a random page and read another question:

24) Name 3 types of vaginal secretions.

_Ew, that's pretty gross. Ok, let's try another page._ After he turned the page, he found that the next 7 questions were about labeling the female reproductive system. At this point, L threw the test down, and shouted to absolutely no one, "This is ridiculous! I'm a private detective, not a doctor! This is not my area of expertise!"

"You can't even start your gynecology test? That's pretty pathetic," came a familiar voice from behind him. He spun around to see his taunter.

"Light? You came all the way to England? What are we-"

"L, are you serious?! You can't answer a single question on your test?" Two more little voices popped up from behind him.

"Near and Mello, but I didn't even hear the door open. The thing is, I…" He suddenly had this awkward feeling like something was behind him, so he slowly turned his head to see…everyone he knew was right behind him! Not surprisingly, everyone he knew could fit in this room comfortably, but at first they all just stared at him, until Matsuda started pointing and laughing. Then, everyone else followed him is taunting and humiliating poor L.

L shrunk down to his thinking position and covered his ears shut. _It's not real. It's just a product of my brain in R.E.M mode! I'm 87.02% sure of it!_ Suddenly, he felt something soft beneath him, and he was completely still; he opened his eyes to see he was in his bed, and he sighed with relief. _I knew it, phew; it was only a dream, nothing more._

"It's about time you got up Ryuzaki. What happened last night? You kept moaning, tossing and turning all night."

"Oh, well, to be perfectly honest, I had a nightmare."

"What was it about?"

"I really prefer not to talk about it. I'd rather just forget about it before it interferes with the Kira case."

Light sat down and drank his tea while thinking to himself, _Heh, I guess even his gets nightmares. It's funny to watch your archenemy wither and squirm in vulnerability. Well, L, you won't get the chance to have another nightmare once I finally get a hold of your name! I wonder what he was dreaming about…well, he is an orphan, maybe he had a nightmare about how he lost his parents or something._

Meanwhile, L was drinking his tea with his hands shaking as he thought to himself, _That's it, I'm never eating meat again, not the gynecology test, not the gynecology test, never the bloody gynecology test…_


End file.
